so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
