i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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