Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
