watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
