well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
