why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
