You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
