Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
