White coat. Heels.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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