Sacagawea was the original milf.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
