I wish I only lived at night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
