Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
