He kissed a someone with a penis
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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