Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
