My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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