we have officially lost it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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