You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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