I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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