Buhtt sex?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
