if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
