Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
