nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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