its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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