do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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