that's an acceptable place to lick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
