I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
