OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
