so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
