you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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