anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
