just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
