you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That's when you crack a 10am beer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
