and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
