I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
