it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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