You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
