I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
