I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
