Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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