Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
