My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't trust your balls anymore.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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