Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
