I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
