Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
