So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
