Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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