I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
