I cannot find my penis.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
