my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
