I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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