Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Shame is for Republicans.
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