I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
