She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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